At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i wish my penis had a tongue
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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