i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
