why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
