operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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