Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
