Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize