This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
