You really coming over, don't trick.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
