Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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