I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
