Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
