i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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