I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
