I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
