pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
