College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
