ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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