I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
