ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
