fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
