How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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