I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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