took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
