you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
