I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm like, not good at living.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
