You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
