its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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