Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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