no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
