I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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