She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
