Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
