Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Randomize
