I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
