stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
