I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
