You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
