Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
