I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
BRING THE BAGELS
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
