Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My cat gives me a boner
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
