I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
