apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
