What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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