it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
