So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize