Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
