U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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