wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
