she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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