She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
