Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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