Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
