Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
