What did we do last night that was yellow?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
