You're a womanizer and a bitch.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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