just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
