You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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