this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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