OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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