Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize