you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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