New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
50% drunk capacity currently
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
