She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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