Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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