you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
