I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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