so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im drinking this country out of the recession.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
