I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
