never play flip cup with pint glasses
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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