Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
