I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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