We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
