so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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