Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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