the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
