WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
