Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
