Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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