the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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