I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
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