yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
