dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
babies were throwing up all over the place
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Can I color on your dick again?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
