I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
