i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
