u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Don't make out with my wife yet
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
