It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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