i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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