there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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