Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
