i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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