When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
