can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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