I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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