I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize