i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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