covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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