My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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